Get my look here

I feel like I've been very absent from my blog lately and it sucks. It all started with working so I had less time, but after getting used to the hang of things, I started feeling like I needed to reevaluate myself and my blog. When it comes to blogging and making YouTube videos, I'm very picky and I suddenly become this perfectionist. It gets really annoying because it stops me from doing a lot of things since I think it's not perfect enough. The only pro to that is I work harder and I aim higher, but it's currently setting me back more than it is helping me move forward. I get frustrated with myself a lot when photos or videos don't come out the way I want them to and I beat myself up for it.

Just two days ago I was trying to film a new video for my channel but ended up feeling like the video was complete shit. That frustrates me to no end because it means another video I wanted to make won't be uploaded. It's like I keep doing it to have it deleted. Maybe I'm just not creative enough or have that kind of potential and should forget about it and do something else. Yeah, this is a lot of negative vibes right now, but life isn't perfect and I will have these thoughts and phases in my life. That's also another thing I've been thinking about - being raw and real. Being open and vulnerable on the internet is a scary thing because people are brutal and relentless. I'm trying to open myself up more on camera or on my blog posts and care less of the judgments of others. Definitely easier said than done, but at least there's some effort.

Well, that's what's been going on in my head these days and I'm hoping I can push myself to do better. Good thing Christmas is around the corner and it's going to be all good vibes, but I haven't even done all my Christmas shopping yet. I'm the worst. 

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